Answer: Our anger generally comes from our perception of reality not matching our expectations.
If you are dealing with a person who likes to hurt others, who is careless about hurting others or who is unwilling to listen to feedback when you tell them that what they have done hurts you then continuing to get angry is pointless.
You won’t be able to change them so focus on creating boundaries about what you will and won’t accept from them and managing your own expectations.
If it is a cranky grandparent for example, you can learn to ignore their thoughtless remarks, accept that their world view is different to yours and let their words go (perhaps imagine a big toilet to flush them down)
If it is a relationship partner then think long and hard if you want to be in a relationship with someone who knows that their words or behaviour hurt you and still continue to do that. Perhaps accept that they don’t love you as you deserve, accept that, let go of trying to change them and move on with your life. Acceptance of someone’s limitations is an important part of being able to forgive.
Joanne Law
Australian Dispute Resolution and Training Professional
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